I hate it when you two fight
by AnonymousBystander
Summary: The Author and Dante... the two don't get along, though her passion keeps her writing... passion for writing that is. She can't stand the lazy macho brick. Written for my bro to explain some postmodern techniques. Kinda plotless though...
1. Constructive criticism?

Ok, I don't own these characters.

So what?

Oh yeah, they're copyright of Capcom.

I don't own em, I'm jus borrowin em!

* * *

_Have you ever realised how arrogant game characters are? I mean, they never die, they always win, they have awesome powers and weapons plus the ability to pause their lives as they're inches away from death, so that the player can examine the situation and prepare a lightning-fast save as soon as they un-pause the game._

_Anyway, try to understand my point here, I'll give you an example;_

_I'm in my room. Still baby pink from the last time my Dad painted it... when I was 4 YEARS OLD! Though, I try to ignore that fact, and have posters of vampires, demons, Dante and Resident Evil on my walls. Scary and pink. Sigh_

_Sitting down on the creaky pleather chair, I crack my knuckles (Something that drives my mother crazy) and start to type._

**It was a dark and stormy night**

_I pause then frown._ Backspacebackspacebackspacebackspacebackspacebackspacebackspacebackspace...

**Dante hated rain.**

_I chew my lip and then smile. That seemed alright, I guess._

**Dante hated rain.**

**Picking himself up off the wet stone floor, he wondered why it was that creepy-crawlies chose dank, dark, run-down castles with no roof to live in. Honestly, if they had the time to try and kill him, then they obviously could find the time to find a good place to... haunt?**

**"Is that really the best you can do?" Dante grinned and spun the hilt of Forge Edge in his hand, "After so long, I thought you might have actually improved, Cerberus."**

**The giant dog snorted and rammed a massive paw into the ground, raking it's claws through the cobblestones. They were uprooted like daisies and flew behind the hellish dog as if it were digging a hole. Shaking it's central head, Cerberus grinned,**

**"Oh, I'm only getting warmed up, mortal."**

**Using it's hind legs on the rear wall, it launched itself at Dante. Hearing the stone wall creaking under the force, Dante leapt to the side, rolled and dealt a powerful swip across the cheek of Cerberus's left head. It swung around and howled in pain.**

**"Congratulations, Cerbs. I've decided to make you the guest of honor at my next "Good luck in your next life" party."**

**Momentarily blinded on it's left side, Dante leapt onto Cerberus's left leg, then onto the central head, ramming his sword deep into the giant black dog and quickly jumping off. Cerberus was still for a moment. With his back to it, Dante sheathed Force Edge,**

**"Lay down, Fido."**

**With a grunt, the dog crumpled to the floor, twitching. Dante turned back around, walking up to the collar of the dog and ripping something small and shiny from the black leather. Cerberus growled.**

**"Play dead." Dante said distractedly, still examining the blue orb from Cerberus's collar. Cerberus's heads suddenly fell to the side with a trio of crashes. Dante threw the orb into the air and caught it in the same hand, putting it in his pocket. He turned around and walked towards the far door, which he had been trying to reach before Cerberus had decided to play fetch with him.**

**At the doorway, he paused, smiling,**

**"Good Dog."**

**Concordia skidded across the hallways, freezing as she felt the Amara Sapphire fade from her mind; no longer attatched to her familiar.**

**Someone was here, in the chambers of Hell, and they'd taken the jewel.**

**Hades was very protective of his home, especially since he'd stepped up after Mundus's defeat. He'd made that _very_ clear. The current Lord of Darkness was many things, though subtle and forgiving was not in his list of virtues. If he discovered that some treasure-hunter had stolen the jewel on _her_ watch, she'd be worse than dead. **

**Halting momentarily to listen, the Demoness noticed that the sounds of the fight had ended. Abruptly. Had her dog won?**

**Silently drawing her Sais, she drew against the wall to listen.**

**He'd barely left Cerberus, when Dante encountered another roadblock;**

**About 5"9, Black hair, crimson eyes, black leather and two very sharp, very silver, Wazikashis.**

**"Going somewhere, Mortal?" The Demon grinned and spun his swords.**

**"Off to cause chaos, as per usual."**

**"Fancy that." Leaping to the side, the Demon ran across the wall and flipped, shoving a sword hilt-deep into Dante's chest. He smiled and sank the other sword into him as well. Wincing slightly, Dante staggered backwards.**

**"Pax, at your service..." The Demon frowned, looking at the swords then back up at Dante again. "You really should have learnt to be faster." **

**With a right hand that would have done Hercules proud, Dante sent the Demon into the side wall of the corridor. He hit it with a smack and fell to the floor, dazed,**

**"What?"**

**"You'd think that after so long, you people would learn." Dante winced and tugged a sword out of his chest with a metallic grind. Instantly, the wound was healed. He flipped it in his hand, looking at it, then threw it at the Demon. Unprepared, it hit him in the shoulder blade with a 'thunk'. He stumbled for a moment, then Dante threw back his other sword, catching him on his arm. "Fast enough for you?"**

**With a cry of pain, the Demon wrenched the Wazikashi in his shoulder free, snarling,**

**"Oh, you'll pay for that little boy!" He leapt to her feet. Drawing Force Edge out of nowhere Dante stopped the silver blade inches from his nose. Gritting his teeth, the Demon tried harder to overpower him. After all, he was only a mortal! Though, try as he might, the sword didn't budge a millimeter.**

**"What _are_ you?" He hissed.**

**"If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that..." Dante pushed the Wazikashi away and spun, Force Edge cutting through the air. Not fast enough, it went through the Demon's abdomen. Gasping, he leapt back, the sword wound healed instantly.**

**"You'll have to do better than-" His words were stopped by rapid gunshots. Jerking, he froze in the silence that followed, then crumpled to the ground. A white-heeled boot stepped over him with an audible 'clink'. Gaze travelling up the knee-high boot, Dante took in the matching silver Sais at the woman's hips, then the smoking silver guns in her hands. She smiled tightly,**

**"I see you've met my brother." She released the empty chambers of her guns. They fell either side of the Demon on the floor like brass precipitation. The white-haired woman looked almost exactly like the dead Demon on on the floor, though somewhat more feminine. "He doesn't take to my bullets particularly well." **

**"And my bullets aren't good enough?"**

**The woman took two more clips out of the inside of her white coat and shrugged,**

**"Depends on if your bullets are solid silver, dual-core with mercury and Holy water." **

**As a gun-ower, Dante wasn't impressed. He could get them... when he could afford them. They cost a hell of a lot more than simple silver, even mono-core with either mercury or Holy water was hard to come by these days. Something told him that her supplier wasn't all-together legal.**

**"If they were?"**

**"Then I wouldn't have had to waste 12 of _my_ bullets on him."**

**"Are you expecting a thankyou?" His tone of voice told her that she had a snowball's chance in Hell of getting one from him. She snapped the clips of her guns back into place and holstered on at her hip, next to the Sai,**

**"Actually, it wasn't a thankyou that I wanted..." She raised a silver and white gun and extended a hand, "It was the pretty little diamond in your pocket."**

_"I thought it was a Sapphire a moment ago."_

_With a yelp, my heart tries to crawl out of my mouth. When I stop it from galloping around my ribcage, I throw a book at the person who had been reading over my shoulder,_

_"Let's re-cap... what have I told you about sneaking up on me when I'm writing?"_

_"How sweet, you're giving me orders?"_

_Turning around, I see he's holding the book in the position it had been when he caught it. Half an inch from the side of his head. Flipping it, he grins,_

_"Missed me."_

_Muttering, I go back to my writing._ Backspacebackspacebackspacebackspacebackspacebackspace...

**"Actually, it wasn't a thankyou that I wanted..." She raised a silver and white gun and extended a hand, "It was the pretty little diamond sapphire in your pocket."**

**"Sorry to disappoint you." In a blur he bent her hand to the side, making her drop her gun, and twisted her arm behind her back. "Ever heard of 'finders keepers'?"**

_"Is this story actually going anywhere?" He sighs from the edge of my bed. I stop typing,_

_"Yes. Now shut the hell up."_

_"But..." _

_At that but, the room falls silent. Icy stalactites drip from the ceiling and the mirror cracks, ice crystals dancing across the surface... I turn around,_

_"But?" I laugh dangerously. __"Did I just hear a "but"? Are you actually criticizing my writing?"_

_"No. Just a few... suggestions."_

_I crack my neck and take a breath, suddenly calm again. The temperature drops back to normal in the blink of an eye. If there's one thing that I pride myself on, it's my anger management. Besides... I can write something embaressing into the story later... when he's not looking._

Hahaha.

_"Ok, what are they?" I ask._

_"First of all, I wouldn't use Force Edge for that fight. Alastor would be more effective. Second, I can't fight Cerberus again, I already killed him years ago."_

_I look at him, then back at the computer again. Giving up, I open another document,_

_"Alright, Dent. Who are you fighting?"_

_Pacing on my carpet, he shakes his head,_

_"Not fighting... coming home from a fight." He looked up, "But keep the rain bit at the beginning. I don't like rain."_

_"What a coincedence." I mutter and start to write again._

**Dante hated rain.**

**He shuddered as a small stream of water trickled down his back. Why had it not crossed his mind to buy a building with a verandah? Even from the street, Devil May Cry looked cold, dark and uninviting. **

**Why was it that creepy-crawlies chose cold, wet and moonless nights to stalk around the city? Particularly a certain breed of blood-fetished puppets that shall remain nameless...**

**"Marris..." He growled, "Why is it always the Marris?"**

**Despite numb fingers and wringing wet clothes, Dante pushed his key into the lock of DMC. Pushing the door open, he was greeted with the scent of home - old dishes and dust. He shut the door firmly behind him and dropped his bag of ammo next to the doormat. **

**He walked through to the the part of the building where he actually lived, shedding clothes like a snake shedding skin. He kicked off his boots into the living room. (Of course, being full of water, the spray went everywhere.) He really had to clean this place up sometime. It was starting to look like... well... a tip. He shrugged to himself - his large red coat slid off his broad shoulders and he caught it as it slid down his arms, flopping it on the banister of the stairs to dry. He trudged up the stairs; cold, wet and irritated, but feeling lighter. **

**He was momentarily surprised when he saw the black cat sitting on the top of the stairway. Momentarily. He continued his trudge up the stairs; this cat had been mysteriously appearing in DMC for the past two months or so and nothing bad had happened so far. He'd figured it must have been a stray or something... either that or it liked his piles of mess.**

**"Fine." He muttered as he stepped over it, "Stay. I'm not going to break anything else throwing it at you. Shed all you want, but I'm going to bed."**

**It looked up at him with huge green lamp-like eyes and blinked.**

**"Merrow?"**

**Stopping Dante kicked it lightly out of the way,**

**"Now buzz off before I change my mind." **

**It jumped nimbly on the banister and started walking gracefully down the stairs, where it landed gently on its feet. Both Dante and the cat, freakishly at the same moment, stretched and yawned, then the cat curled up on the worn couch and closed it's eyes.**

**Dante could feel his muscles stiffening as he took off his shoulder holster and let it clunk to the floor of his bedroom. He was definately going to hurt tomorrow. He saw his bed blissfully unmade and comfortable, and he let himself fall like a drunk onto the mattress. **

_"Am I interrupting somthing?"_

_By my left shoulder I see Dent jump about three feet into the air. I turn to the audience,_

_"And he says I'm a wimp..." Turning back to Virgil, I jerk a thumb in Dent's direction. "You're going to give him a heart attack some day."_

_"Aww.. did I surprise you, baby brother?" He smirks, "Maybe I should leave you two... alone."_

_"Keep that up and I'll make you a bum living in a dumpster." I growl. D__ent sits back on the edge of the bed,_

_"Jealous?"_

_"Of what? You!"_

_"AyeBees writing a story... about me."_

Virgil looks visibly hurt for a moment, then he leans against my doorframe. I feel kinda bad that he always got left out all of the time; always typecast as the bad guy. It crossed my mind... what if I made him a good guy for once?

Dent wouldn't like it. Hmmm... all the more incentive...

"I'm probably not in it... right?" He asks.

"Yes." "No." Dent and I answer at exactly the same time.

"Really?" Virgil ignores his brother.

"Yes."

"No!" Dent looks sulky, "This is my story."

"Dent, you're acting like a spoilt brat."

Virgil and Dent exchange an icy glare then Virgil takes a seat on my window-seat.

"We obviously haven't missed anything then." Trish and Lucia walk in, holding coffee. "Can I be in it, please?" Trish asks sweetly.

"Certainly."

She darkens slightly,

"And for once, I don't want to fall in love with that lazy-arsed lump!"

Heads turn in Dante's direction. He looks around innocently,

"What?"

"I'll see what I can do." I rub life back into my fingers and continue to type...


	2. Oh no! Tempers Snap!

Okay backies!

Thanx 4 the R&R. You guys probably know how great it feels to have someone like your work so... I won't waste time explaining how warm and fuzzy I am.

I noticed that there were a few reviews which asked "Dent?". I'll explain. It's sort of a nickname/insult.

"Dent thickhead"

"Dent Dant (short form of Dante)"

... My own attempts at a humorous and witty insult. Oh well...

* * *

_The moment his head hit the pillow, the phone rang. _

_"Shit." Rubbing his eyes, he rolled onto his stomach and picked up the phone, "Devil May Cry - we're closed."_

_"Hey Dent." Dante flinched. There was only one person who'd dare to call him that..._

"What the... "_Dent_"? Don't tell me your seriously writing a self-insertion?"

I ground my teeth and smiled,

"Since you asked so nicely... no. Just sit down, wait and _shut up_!"

He sat down abruptly, giving me his famous "glare-that-could-melt-butter". Virgil elbowed him sharply,

"Taking orders off a mortal? How... sweet."

"I don't exactly see you rebelling at the moment, brother dear."

"Why should I? _We _get along just fine." He smiled smugly.

Lucia and I exchanged glances. It was obvious that Virgil saw an opportunity for being a star in one of my fanfics. The only thing I had to decide was; would I be able to do it? Lately, I'd been thinking about making a sort of change in my writing. I wanted something different from other DMC fanfics, even something different from a self-aware story such as this one your reading right now...

"Wait a minute." Trish frowned, "You're telling me _this_ is a story too?"

Yep.

"Alright already." I turn around and glare at the author, "_My_ story. Bugger off!"

Fine then. Have it your way.

"Thankyou." I pause and thing for a moment, "As I was saying; it's not a self-insertion. Why would I write myself into a story simply so I could fall in love with _that_?" I jerk my thunb in Dent's direction. He shrugged,

"Because of my rugged good looks and boyish charms?"

Trish, Lucia and I sigh and put a hand over our eyes simultaniously. Suddenly, the silence in the room is interrupted.

"_We are falling. The night is calling..._"

Trish reddens slightly,

"Uh. I'll be back." She grabs her mobile from her pocket and ducks out the door. Lucia turns to me,

"Alright. Why does _she_ get truetones?" She put her hands on her hips. Virgil grinned,

"You know, you're cute when your angry."

"Smile at me like that again and I'll paste you across the wall."

"Children." I raise an eyebrow, "Behave."

They both settle for glaring at each other. Trish pokes her head back in the door,

"That was DarkTyrant. I should go, he's got writers block."

I shrug,

"You sure you wanna give this one a miss?"

"I'll be fine. He's writing me a solo piece.She smirked at Dante. He shrugged nonchalantly,

"Whatever."

She disappears again through the door and I go back to my typing...

_"Trish. What lovely surprise." He hoped he counded cheerful, but it was hard to sound like you enjoyed reality when you were half-dead with lethargy._

_"I have a little surprise for you."_

_Dante groaned,_

_"Not now Trish."_

_The woman on the other end of the phone sighed,_

_"No, not that sort of surprise. I have a body."_

_Silence._

_"And?"_

_There was silence._

_"A dead body." She emphasised 'dead'. Usually when she did that..._

_"You want me to check it out." It was more a statement than a question. Ever since he'd broken up with Trish, she'd tried to find as many excuses as possible for them to 'meet'. For being so cute, she was damn clingy!_

_"Trish." Dante sighed and rolled onto his back, "Trish, Trish, Trish. I've just come back from a-"_

_"Look Dante, I frankly don't give a fuck, but I have a body here and..." She paused, "It's outta my league." She finally admitted._

_Dante thought for a moment, his body savoring the precious rest that it was getting and knowing that it would probably be the last it would get for a while. He rubbed his eyes again,_

_"Describe it to me."_

_Trish took a breath._

_"Um... it was a man."_

_"Was?"_

_"Was. Arms 2 and 10 O'clock, legs 12 and 3-"_

_"What? How-"_

_"Head 7 O'clock-"_

_"Wait a minute. What the hell are you talking about?" Dante leant on one elbow on the mattress, fully alert now._

_"He was ripped apart Dante, and from the look on his face... he was enjoying it."_

_Dante plonked back down on the pillows and groaned again,_

_"Ok. You win. I'll come down."_

_"Oh, and we have a witness."_

_"A wit-... Jesus." Dante rolled off the bed and picked up his shoulder holster, "Give me ten minutes."_

_Walking down the stairs, he picked up the damp clothes that he'd discarded earlier._

_"I hate Mondays." He noticed that the cat was gone. Apparently it had decided to make it a short stay and left. Dante grumbled to himself as he slammed the door shut behind him,_

_"I hate every day." _

Virgil reads what I had written and bursts out laughing,

"How cute, you've made him an Emo."

Dante stands up and pushes him out of the way,

"What? Move over." Whilst he's reading what's on my computer screen I crack my knuckles again.

"You'll get arthritis." Lucia takes a sip of her coffee. I shrug,

"Meh. My fingers are getting cramped from all this stopping and starting."

"Ayebee." There's a note of tension in his voice as he puts a hand on my shoulder, "As much as I cherish our friendship-"

"Don't touch me." I glance at him. The hand immediately disappears,

"Sorry. As much as I cherish our friendship, I don't think-"

"I knew it!"

Lucia snorts into her coffee cup. Virgil simply smirks. Dante, however, is starting to get irritated,

"Can I just say that the story is in serious danger of turning into an Emo/Angst spiel?"

"I know." I say cheerfully. Oh, it was such fun to piss him off! "Just-"

"Let me guess," He says drily, "Sit down and wait?"

I smile sweetly,

"There you go, you were wrong; you _do_ think."

_He hadn't needed directions; the small sense of direction in his head told him where Trish was - after all, she was a Demon, and he had a talent for finding Demons. Trish was... he'd like to say unique, but only in personality. She'd been created in the image of his mother - which was deeply disturbing since he'd been sharing a bed with her on a regular basis for a period of six months. However, that had turned out to be nothing. Once the big danger to their lives was gone, he'd finally realised just how irritating she could be 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 5 weeks a month, 12 months..._

_You get the picture._

_He shuddered as he turned down an alleyway, then suddenly had to screech to a stop before he ran over someone. Turning the bike 90 degrees whilst braking, he shook the mist out of his head,_

_"Sorry Trish."_

_The redhead 'humph'-ed but didn't say anything other than,_

_"You want your body?" She jerked her head towards a pile of clothes, "There's your body. I'm outta here." She started walking towards her car. Dante frowned,_

_"But... the witness?"_

_"Just screwin' with ya." She smirked and climbed into the car. Dante could have happily throttled that little bitch, but restrained himself from chasing her down. She'd probably take it as a come-on. He instread tried to concentrate on the dead body lying on the slightly steaming cement._

_Put bluntly, and graphically, he had been torn apart. Limbs were all strewn akimbo and had shreds of tissue still hanging from them. The man had been in his late 30's, roughly, but did seem to have a look of ecstacy on his face. _

_So what he was dealing with was a very twisted Demon that like ripping apart her suitors whilst... jerking them off? Either twisted or... original. Dante noticed the security badge on the man's arm and it suddenly clicked that he must have been guarding something. Something of extreme importance to the Demon if she had gone to this length to eliminate any witnesses._

_He sighed and crounched next to the guy. He was assuming that the offending Demon was a 'She'. There were very few Homosexual Demons out there, and thankfully he hadn't met any, though he had read about particular individuals... _

_He shivered and looked around for any sign of a key or something that would give a clue as to what he'd been guarding. The wet pavement was streaked with blood and rain. A small way from the mans... largest portion of body, was something small and... furry?_

_"A feather." Dante groaned. _

_He has Limb-ala-security guard and a feather to work off. Next time he saw Trish, he'd kill her. No ifs, no buts. Truly._

_He ran a hand through his hair and stood up, thinking to himself. It may have simply been a random attack; a security guard on the way home from a mall, sees a woman offering her 'services', presumes she's a prostitute and goes off alone with her then BAM. Phallocentric Sushi._

_Nah. Too simple._

_The alleyway looked like something out of a comicbook. With the stereotypical dumpster, newspapers trapped against the barbed wire fence, cardboard boxes lining the brick walls to the high buildings and garbage bins overflowing onto the street. For no particular reason at all, Dante noticed the name on the boxes;_

_**Karat Jewellers.**_

_He grinned. Bingo._

"Ugh!" Lucia makes a face, "Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Graphic violence... gee that's a change." Dante sighs and yawns. I smile sarcastically,

"Ahaha. You're _sooo_ hardcore."

"I know."

Grumbling to myself, I turn back to the computer. Behind me, Virgil breaks the silence,

"I actually like it."

"You would, wouldn't you?" Dante jibes.

"It sets atmosphere." Virgil ignores him.

"Like Jack-the-Ripper. Gore's your sort of thing isn't it?"

"What _is_ your problem?" Lucia stands up suddenly. Virgil rounds on Dante too,

"Isn't anything that she writes good enough for you? You should feel lucky that you even get to be _in_ her writing." He finishes spitefully.

"Guys." I rub my temples. They don't seem to hear me.

"It's not my fault I'm a good guy." Dante's eyes glitter, "Unlike _some_ people I know."

"And just what's that supposed to mean?" Virgil suddenly get's poisonous. Lucia decides to give this argument a miss. Dante had definately hit Virg on a soft spot.

"Guys?" I try again. Again, I'm ignored.

"Have you ever noticed how you're always the bad guy? Doesn't that say something about what people think about you?" Dante put his boots on my window seat.

"And just what does that have to do with you not liking Ayebee's writing?"

"_Guys_." I raise my voice a little. Still no effect.

"Because," Dante says matter-of-factly, "You're only sucking up to her in the hopes that she'll write something about _you_. Something where _you_ get to be the hero for once. Not gonna happen, Virgy."

"You self-assured, son of a-"

"_That's it!_" I swing out of the computer chair and turn on Virgil, "Give it a rest, alright? I _know_ you're insecure! Everyone can tell! That's why _he_" I fling an arm out in Dante's direction, "Is able to tick you off so easily!"

Virgil takes a small step back,

"But-"

"And _you_!" I swing around to face Dante, "You are singularly the most arrogant, stuck-up, male-chauvanist bastard that I have ever dreamed up! I don't know why I even started writing about you! I don't like you! I can't stand you!" Lucia scrambles out of my way as I storm to the door.

"As long as you two are still fighting like... like... the pair of _apes_ that you are, I'm not typing ONE MORE WORD!" I slam the bedroom door shut behind me.

Silence fills my bedroom, the walls still shaking from the impact of my door hitting the doorframe. Lucia and Virgil look at each other, then glare at Dante. He looks up,

"What did _I_ do?"

* * *

_OMG! Will they ever finish the story?_

_To be continued...!_

P.S. The next few submissions will sort of be half-chapters, 'cause I'm going on holidays and won't be around a computer much…

… and no, The Dent is _not_ coming!… Virg is ;)


	3. A Dark Past

OMG. People actually find my story funny? Wow. Maybe I'm not so pathetic after all…

Still. Kerianne, you are more than welcome to Dent… for the next two weeks maybe. I'll see if I still want him back after then.

Anyway…

* * *

"Alright." Lucia sighs, "This is your fault and you know it."

"What's my fault?" Dante leans back and places his boots on my windowseat again.

"Real cute, little brother." Virgil drawls, "Macho Demon-slayer to mild-mannered cherub in 20 seconds…" He tips an imaginary hat, "Such a social asset."

"Envy is a sin, Virge."

"**_Envy_**!"

Lucia sighs and places a hand on each of the two brothers chests, stepping between them before they came to blows.

"Boys. She's already mad at you for one thing… I don't think she'll appreciate a trashed room too." Both of the platinum-haired men opened their mouths to speak, but Lucia added, "More trashed… by someone else rather than her."

From this, you can probably draw the conclusion that my room is a junkyard. Actually, it's quite organised in my mind; everything is covering every available surface so you can see what you're looking for without actually having to look for it. Or course, my mother doesn't really see where I'm coming from. "Clean your room!" is the closest thing to a family motto in our house…

… that and "Where's the remote?"

"Excuse me?" Lucia crosses her arms.

What?

"Didn't Ayebee already warn you?"

Well, yes… but now she's gone I just-

"Just…be quiet ok? We're having a crisis."

Humph. Fine then.

"So where were we?" Lucia turns her attention back on the brothers. Both are still shooting daggers at one another. "Oh yes, the mild-mannered cherub was about to go out an apologise to Ayebee."

"Like hell! I'm not going out there." He points to my bedroom door.

"And why not?"

"Because."

Virgil shrugs,

"If it's Darktyrant your afraid of, you shouldn't be. He's not as powerful as Ayebee, he's only 12."

"_I'm not afraid_." Dante looks vaguely offended. Vaguely.

"Is it his stories?" Lucia asks, raising an eyebrow. Virgil suddenly grins,

"That's right. Doesn't he write stories about Pokem-"

"Yes." Dante cuts him off, "He does. If I go out there, then Ayebee will probably get more mad and…" He trails off, nightmares flitting across his face. Virgil frowns,

"Am I missing something?" He asks Lucia quietly. She draws him to the side,

"Dent wasn't always with Ayebee."

"Yes. I know."

"Ayebee managed to get you from someone who was… gentle with stories… crossovers and the likes."

"Yes." Virgil faintly remembered the soul who'd last written him, "I think I was even a good guy once."

"Well, the last Author that had him liked other things… Zoids, Doom… Pokemon." She looks at him pointedly. Virgil looks at Dante, then back at her.

"They didn't."

"They did."

Virgil shakes his head,

"The bottom of all characterisation… Pokemon crossovers... If I'd have known..."

"I'm guessing that he still isn't over it. He was practically a mess when she stumbled across him on the net. Apparently," She leans in closer, "_He_ was the one that asked to be written about. He was desperate."

"No way. Him? Ask? Are we still talking about my brother?"

Lucia nods. Dante flings open the door, startling them both.

"If we're done discussing my past, we should go now."

"Nice of you to change your mind." Lucia sits back down gracefully.

"What do you mean _we_?" Virgil asks.

"You _are_ coming with me." It's more of a statement than a question that comes from Dante's mouth. Virgil shakes his head,

"This is your fault. _You_ go out there. I don't care if you throw another Pokeball-"

Lucia leaps to her feet and restrains Dante from seriously hurting his brother,

"Enough! Out! Out! Outoutout!" She shoves Dante out the door with every 'Out'.

"Ok!" Dante glances back at them both. If looks could kill, there would be two coffins standing in the room, one blue and black, and one red and white.

"Don't forget." Virgil says seriously, "Water beats Fire, remember? Try Squirtle."

Dante takes a deep breath, then with a manly toss of his head, he closes the door behind him.

"So." Lucia sits back down, discarding her cold coffee, "What now?"

Virgil shrugs,

"Beats me."

They both sit in awkard silence for a minute.

"I don't think I've ever been left alone with you." Lucia says finally. Virgil shakes his head.

More silence.

"You know, you're cute when you're angry."

There's a resounding slap in the small room.

* * *

To be continued… 


	4. To boldy go where no fictional character...

Ah, the story is drawing to a close. **Sniff **

Second-last chapter!

I'm guessing some of you are probably wondering about the Pokemon/DMC crossover "secret" of Dent's past? Well, that much is actually true. I only had a mild interest in DMC and was browsing through some fanfics.

Lo and behold… DMC/ Pokemon crossover.

It's hard to explain how, or what I felt as I read the first chapter. I was laughing _and_ crying at the same time.

Excuse me. Wipes eyes

I'll be nice. On the plus-side, it was very well written. So I commend them on their… artistic merit? Anyway, as you can see… I adopted him from that abusive home.

Poor guy.

* * *

The moment Dante shut the door, the normally bustling hallway stills. A half-dozen pairs of eyes turn to regard him suspisciously. A hairy-looking man bites the end off a cigar and spits it behind the toybox that he's sitting on. He lights the end and takes a long draw.

"Long time, no see, Devil-slayer."

"Wolverine." Dante barely nods, cautious like a cowboy in a foreign saloon. From his left, a brown blur rushes out from a baby blue room.

"Spider-argh!" The boy smashes headlong into Dante, though due to the foot and a half between them, Dante yields like a brick wall. Shaking his head, the boy blinks cold eyes up at the platinum-haired hero,

"Dante." He acknowledges him, then continues – at a slower pace – down the hallway. A short cold glance backwards over his shoulder confirms Dante's suspiscions.

"You've talked to your sister?"

Dartyrant stops and shrugs,

"She seemed somewhat… pissed off. I didn't need to talk to her to discern who is was that she was pissed off at." He looks at Dante pointedly.

"Why do you automatically assume that it's me she's angry at if you didn't talk to her?"

Darktyrant grins as he started walking away again,

"Judging from the language that was coming from her mouth, she was using words that she usually reserves for you."

Dante raises an eyebrow at the retreating Author's back. Wolvernine chuckles,

"No doubt 'bout it. That girl can cuss like a sailor."

"Did I ask you for your opinion, Wolf-man?"

"Pipi!"

Gritting his teeth, Dante draws Ivory and fires two shots into the large yellow mouse tugging his trouser leg. It shakes it's head violently, the holes automatically resealing themselves, then sticks it's tongue out at the Demon-hunter.

"Pika!" It smirks and slinks off around the corner. Dante reholsters his gun and stalks off, his modd further soured,

"Same to you, you little yellow rat." He grumbles.

From his perch on the toybox, Wolverine gives a half-grunt/half-laugh and stubs the cigar behind the toybox.

"Jackass."

Rounding the corner everyone seems to be disappearing around, Dante finds himself in the "outside" of Ayebee's home. Looking around disdainfully at the rooms full of fictional characters, he groans,

"What is it with this family and writing?"

In the living room, sitting across from each other crosslegged, is Darktyrant and Spiderman, discussing fight scenes. Across the room, at the Breakfast Bar, is the Green Goblin and Vemon, shooting death stares at them and downing straight shots of chocolate milk. Dante heads for the depressed supervillains, which are the best bet in a room full of heros, cartoon characters, Klingons and cringe Pokemon.

"Seen Ayebee?"

"Yeah, I've seen her. Tried to switch from Darktyrant to her for a while now. It's rumored she sometimes gives villans a starring role." Green Goblin swishes his glass, "She told me to get stuffed." Suddenly his manic smile widens, "Why? What'd ya do now?"

"Why do I have to have _done_ something? Can't a character just speak to his Author?"

"Calm down." Venom says strangely drunkly, "We know. He's just being a blockhead." He hits GG over the back of the head, "Internet Computer, Dent."

"_Don't_ call me that."

As the two drunken supervillains throw punches at each other, Dante heads across the family room. On the couch, sitting grumpily, is Kirok. Ayebee and Darktyrant's Dad; also an avid writer himself, though restricted to… Star Trek.

Yep. My Dad's a Trekkie.

Dante judges from the disgruntled look on Kirok's face, that he'd been kicked off his computer… meaning that most probably Ayebee had indeed hijacked the internet computer. With a sigh, he weaves his way through a room, now more crowed with Klingons, Vulcans and Bajorans. Some barely notice him, some give him sympathetic looks.

If anything, Ayebee's temper is… reknowned.

On the edge of the crowd, he's greeted by some measure of relief. A red-haired Vampiress by the name of Rayne. She raises an eyebrow and leans against the wall,

"Alright," She smiles, "What did you say now?"

"Why does everyone seem determined to pin this on _me_?"

"I don't know, let's see; she's writing Bloodrayne fanfic, nad you know she only does that when she's angry at you.

From behind her, a small line of characters leave the room, dejected.

"Correction." A blonde young man in a silver and gold uniform sporting a I.R. badge speaks over Rayne's shoulder, "Thunderbird's fanfic."

"Beyblades." A blue-haired boy with red eyes smirks.

"Gorasul." A small dragon quips.

Rayne turns back to Dante,

"I stand corrected, … you _and_ Virgil pissed her off."

"She's swapping stories like hell." Lestat the Vampire looks back into the room. "Even ones thatshe has not touched in years." He refers to the 6-year-old story from which he'd just been awakened from.

"If she keeps this up, she'll start on-" Rayne begins, then jerks to the side as something small, round and pink bounces to the front of the group of characters. It's huge green and blue eyes blink, the it it proudly announces it's presence.

"Jigglypuff!"

Kai, the blue-haired beyblader grins,

"Oh, you're in for it now."

"She wouldn't." Rayne frowns.

"Yes." Dante pushes past her, John, Kai, Hiccup and Lestat, "She would."

* * *

Would I? You'll have to wait to find out. But be warned… he _did_ make me angry.

Masterballs anyone?


	5. She's doing it again

Hehehe.

Last Chapter peoples! Oh, and by popular demand… I have the Pokemon fanfic from which I 'adopted' Dent:

http/ the plus-side, he _does_ kill Ash. I liked that bit.

Anyway… Ayebee has just opened the Pokemon file on her computer; will she make Dante suffer for insulting her writing and generally being irritating? Or will he actually manage, for the first time in his life to… Dum dum dum!… apologise?

Or… just what exactly is the story here? Are you reading it?

Wrote this during a bout of writers block, sorry ifthis chapter'snot as funny… and I _know_ it's not as funny… I really hate it. Truly, but I can't THINK!

* * *

"Right." I crack my fingers again. Time to make the Dent pay. 

_"Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssss!"_

_With a yelp, I slapped my hands over my ears, tearing them from the keyboard._

_"Not again!"_

_I stumbled from the computer, knocking papers everywhere onto the floor. I rushed into the living room, slipping on the tiled floor in my Flaafy-wool socks. I scooped the small pink ball from the ground and gently began rocking it,_

_"Shhhh, little guy."_

_The small round Pokemon, closely resembling an alarm-clock, blinked it's huge cross-shaped eyes and whimpered. I breathed a sigh of relief and stroked it's thick ears softly,_

_"It's alright, Whismer."_

_"Wh... whismer?"_

_I sat it down on the ground gently and it waddled off, I rounded the corner to the next room and growled,_

_"Nuzleaf!"_

_The half-acorn, half-pinocchio Pokemon attempted to smile innocently... something it had obviously picked up off me. I glared at it,_

_"What have I told you? No Grass-song in the house! You know that the pitch hurt's Whismer's ears!"_

_"Nuzleaf... Nuz!" It's shoulders drooped and it hung it's head. I instantly felt guilty,_

_"I wish you wouldn't do that... you make it so hard for me to scold you." I stroked it's leaf affectionately and it grinned, hopping off to find some Seadot to play with. I sighed, putting a hand over my eyes. There was no way I was going to finish this book in time!_

_"Asher? Is everything alright?" Nurse Joy poked her head around the corner. I shook my head,_

_"It's all under control. Nuzleaf was playing it's song again."_

_"Oh!" Joy hid a smile, "It seems to like music as much as you do."_

_I half-smiled,_

_"That's what I'm afraid of." I made my way back upstairs again, muttering and grumbling under my breath._

_"The fantasic journey, by Asher Redwood? How can I write about adventures when I'm stuck in this godforsaken cesspit!" I slammed my door, the Exploud in my room jumped, startled._

_"What are you doing?" I asked suspisciously. It held out a bunch of flowers that it had bitten into musical notes. _

_"Loud! Ex-ploud!" It announced proudly. I felt all irritation die away from me instantly. I took them and smiled,_

_"You are just the sweetest thing that I have ever seen!" It smiled and drew itself up, waddling out of the room emitting small soundbursts every now and them. I looked at the flowers and raised an eyebrow, sighing. I put them down next to my computer and banged my head on the desk._

_"I have to get out of here." I groaned._

_That afternoon, Nurse Joy and I were flat out. Apparently there had been some Pokemon Competition, and now they all needed treatment._

_"Hel-lo? My Gloom needs treatment... today?"_

_"I've been waiting here for half an hour!"_

_"Tick-tock people!"_

_I tried to organise the Blisseys as fast as I could,_

_"Alright, you take the Shiftry. You make sure that Raichu gets powered down. Keep this Ninetails warm!"_

_"Asher! I need help at the counter!" Nurse joy called from the front._

_"I'm organising the Blisseys!"_

_"Then get some of the Pokemon to help!"_

_I looked at the small crowd of Pokemon that had become my entourage,_

_"Ok, Chinchou, siphon some, not all, of the electricity from Raichu. He's go too much. Try holding whilst doing Surf."_

_"Chou!" They bounced off._

_"Milotic! Do whatever you can, but calm this Shifty down! He needs to go into the operating room, but not while he's this stressed!"_

_"Tic!" It glided off._

_"Magmar, keep Ninetails warm, it fell into the river. Try a gentle Ember. Ok?"_

_"Magmar!" It waddled off._

_"Ok," I joined Joy at the front. She was worried and tired,_

_"So many Pokemon! Some people really need to take better care of their Pokemon."_

_I refrained from agreeing with her in front of so many trainers and grabbed four Pokeballs from a young trainer. Slipping the balls into their slots on the regenerating machine, I pulled over the cover and switched it on. After about ten seconds of humming and a flash, they were healed._

_"Here." I shoved them back into the trainer's hand and moved onto the next trainer. I passed Joy as she came back from the machine, "Looks like it's going to be a long night."_

_It was well after 10pm by the time the last trainer went out of the door. Joy and I were leaning on the bench, the pokemon who had been helping us were at our feet enjoying some well-deserved Pokeblok._

_The Pokemon Centre had been acting as a Pokemon 'pound' for a long time. Various Pokemon that had been abandoned or mistreated were brought to the centre. We cared for them, then let them go when they felt that they were ready. However, sometimes they didn't want to leave, so we got stuck with the occasional Exploud and Nuzleaf._

_My father, Professor Redwood, had sent me to the Slateport City pokemon Centre for work experience about a year ago. That was before he disappeared. He had been investigating the legend of the 'Guardian of the Forest' in the Ilex Forest, and had just simply vanished one day. Leaving me with a guardian Nurse and a bunch of irritating, yet adorable, Pokemon._

_Being 17, I had my own Pokemon, but I rarely battled them. I never had the time. I usually let them run around with the other 'adopted' Pokemon, that seemed to keep them happy. Sometimes, for practise, we'd stage the occasional 'Pokemon Battle'. Other than that... I was no hard-core Pokemon Trainer._

_My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a bleeping from the computer. _

_"Looks like we've got some mail." I opened it. It was a message from Officer Jenny, a friend of Joy's._

_"Apparently, Team Rocket have been robbing some of the Pokemon Centres around Slateport. It's a security warning." I looked up at Joy, "I think we should make sure the doors are locked tonight." She nodded,_

_"Especially with the Pokemon being here."_

_Exploud waddled up to me and beat it's chest once. I laughed,_

_"I think I've got myself a bodyguard."_

_Later than night, I was laying awake in bed. In a tiny corner of my heart, I actually wanted the Pokemon Centre to be robbed. At least it would give me the excuse to leave, and I could get them back. Anything to get out of here!_

_I sighed and rolled onto my side. Suddenly I froze, the door to my bedroom being nudged open. Was it Team Rocket come to rob us? I wasn't serious! I didn't mean it!_

_"Whis...mer?"_

_I breathed out a sigh of relief and sat up against the pillows. It was only that little Whismer again._

_"Can't sleep huh?" I grinned._

_"Whismer!"_

_"Well, neither can I." The little pink blob just sat there on the floor next to me, looking up expectantly. I smiled and picked it up, plopping it in my lap, "Scared of the dark, are we?"_

_"Whismer!" It hopped onto the pillow next to me and settled down under my quilt cover._

_"Hey! This bed's for humans!... oh, what the hey." I settled down next to it and closed my eyes, hoping that I wouldn't roll on it. It snuggled closer to my neck, then it fell asleep. I wasn't too late after it._

_My eyes snapped open._

_"Seadot!"_

_"Seadot?"_

_"Dot!... Seadot!"_

_I sat up, trying not to wake the Whismer. The floor was covered in sleeping Pokemon - Seadot being the most numerous - but the Milotic, the Nuzleaf, a Magmar and my bodyguard Exploud... but that wasn't what had woken me._

_Someone, or something had woken the Seadot._

_I pretended to go back to sleep, the room was silent except for the occasional wimpers from the Whismer in it's sleep, and the tiny squeaks of "Seadot!" from the Seadot. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow shift._

_"Milotic!" It snapped awake suddenly, the shadow froze, "Wrap!" It quickly fastened itself around the intruder. They tried to wriggle free,_

_"Hey! Gerroff!"_

_I snapped on the light. There, on my bedroom floor, was a rather familiar figure..._

"Ayebee."

I turn around casually, fingers poised over the keyboard. Oh I loved the power of Author –rity.

Get it?

"Oh. It's you." I sigh and turn back to the computer. A Milotic asleep at my feet growls at the tall man in red, "Come to beg for mercy?"

He snorts,

" Over my dead body."

"That _can_ be arranged."

"You couldn't do that. I'm your main source of inspiration."

"You also have an older brother…" I smirk and begin typing again…

_I snapped on the light. There, on my bedroom floor, was a rather familiar figure._

"_Haven't I seen you before?" I asked, frowning. Blue eyes looked up in irritation-_

"Are you _really_ sure that you want to dredge up your _Pokemon_ story?" He asks edgily.

"Positive." I grin devilishly, "I'm introducing a new character."

"Ayebee! Hallooooo!"

I almost fall off my chair as a hand lands heavily on my shoulder. Venom - smelling suspisciously chocolate-y - looks at the screen and squints,

"Now this is something I haven't seen in a loooooong while." He sways slightly. I sigh and pick his arm off my shoulder. He wavers, then hits the floor.

"You've been into the chocolate milk again, haven't you?"

He sits up and grins innocently,

"Nup."

"Alright." Dante lifts him like a rag doll and throws him out of the room. He slides along the lino, until he comes to a stop at GG's feet. GG looks down and throws his glass onto the floor beside him.

"I, serrr," He slurs, "Challenge you to a.. du-aaah…" He flops to the floor, landing across Venom and joining in with his companion's chorus of snores.

"Nervous, are we?" I raise an eyebrow. Dante tried to lean against the brown couch behind me, however upsetting a pile of Kirok's leftover papers. He straightens and crosses his arms,

"I don't get nervous."

"Oh really?"

_I snapped on the light. There, on my bedroom floor, was a rather familiar figure._

"_Haven't I seen you before?" I asked, frowning. Blue eyes looked up in irritation,_

"_No." He said forcefully._

"_You're that trainer that-_

"Alright!" Dante suddenly interrupted my typing… again.

"Alright what?" I swing around in the chair and cross my arms.

Grumbling to himself, he grits his teeth,

"Maybe it wasn't so bad."

I start to smile,

"What wasn't so bad?"

"The… story."

"What story?" I ask innocently.

"The one Virgil was arguing about."

"Virgil?"

"_You're that trainer!" I struggled for the name again, "Da-_

"The one that I was arguing about."

I lift my fingers from the keyboard,

"And…?"

Silence.

"_You're that trainer!" I struggled for the name again, "Dan-_

"And… " He sighs, giving in. I was going to remember this for the rest of my life… truly something I was going to tell my Grandchildren about.

"And I admit that I started the fight with Virge. I'm egotistical, lazy and selfish-"

"You forgot pig-headed."

"-and," He ignored me, "I should never question your superior writing technique." He finished (Gasp) sweetly. I sigh contentedly to myself.

That was _so_ worth it. I sigh and close down the computer, turn around…

…and he's gone?

* * *

"**Excuse me? Did you just actually have me apologise?**

What the-? How did you get out here?

"**_I_ never apologise… besides, it was your fault anyway."**

Excuse me? You _don't exist_. How could you-

"**If I didn't exist, could I do this?"**

Ow! That hurt!

"**You shouldn't write insulting stories about people, you know."**

But.. you're not… I mean, how… what… I… that's it!

_**Outside my bedroom door, my father – my real father – watches me storm out of my room. Confused, he looks after me then into my room. Computer on. Empty. He sighs and takes a breath,**_

"_**Sharyn! She's talking to herself again!"**_

* * *

Stay tuned for another episode featuring Venom and GG... and their hangover. 


	6. Afternote and propaganda

Last note: The DMC/Pokemon fanfic from which I adpoted Dent; Because fanfiction(dot)net is stupid, you need to replace the (Dot)'s with... well, a dot.

www(dot)mediaminer(dot)org/fanfic/viewch(dot)php?id35595&cid96767&submitview

My humor(Sniff) has dried up at the moment. Check out my other stories! More serious though:

**Blooded feathers** – When an ancient Demoness turns up accusing Dante of murder, the first person that Dante suspects is his brother. He decides to find out what his brother's up to… and kill the Demon later. However, after a trip to Hell, not all is as it seems; his brother is nowhere to be found… and he starts to suspect that the murderer is closer than he thought.

**M** for language, violence and sexual references.

**Hellhound **- (Virgil's goin' solo!) After 600+ people are killed whilst keeping an overnight vigil for Pope Matthew, the local ruling Lycan clan is decimated. Only once survived to tell the tale… and she's pointing the finger at Virgil! Virg decides to stake a claim to the – now up for grabs – territory, but finds that the murder is the plot of someone more powerful. Someone who, without the protection of the Pope, has arisen to rule mankind… and has his sights set on the Holy City. But just what does this have to do with the Lycan? Why is she being chased by Demons? The dark force has it's sights set on Virgil's claim…

…and he'll be damned if he doesn't give it up without a fight.

**M** for violence, creepiness, language, sex and religious digs. (Virg is a Demon… he don't like Catholics.)

**R&R! **Don't worry, a G rated coming soon.


End file.
